By Sarah Jane Bailey
One of the most common stories I encounter within my coaching business, and in the walls of C’est Sera, is a general “unrest” about where we are emotionally, mentally and physically…. which seems to be directly related to the changes we are all experiencing courtesy of COVID. I think it’s time we talk about it!
Let’s get transparent with exactly WHY we struggle with self-love. It’s hard to get real with it without acknowledging some of the things that are trying to rob us of self-love! I’m going to talk about some of the TOP 5 I hear, but whatever yours are, fill in the blanks!
- The COVID 10 or 15 or 20 extra pounds that we are wearing
- The isolation from our support systems
- The extra demands on our time and energy
- Being all things to all people
- Feeling trapped
I want to start with numbers 2-5. These four speak to our need for each other! I have said for FOREVER that I am a better, more evolved, more awake woman when I have other women in my life who are invested in me, and I in them! I know many of you have a network of women that you connect with! You come into the store together, and you are so happy to be together that shopping is secondary to the craving of your heart to heart communication.
I had a conversation with a young mother the other day that was so heart wrenching, and yet the story of so many. She said “My life has changed entirely. I used to leave to go to the office, but now I am at home with the kids. I still have to keep up my work which is almost impossible with the kids around. I work before they get up; I work when they nap, and then I go back to my desk when my husband comes home. I’m trying to get in my hours and produce, but it’s so hard! The other day my husband said to someone ‘yeah, we’re doing good…it’s not that different.’ I almost lost my mind! It might not be different for HIM because he leaves the house every day doing exactly what he used to do, but for me EVERYTHING is different! I used to be able to go out with my friends in the evening, now even if we want to try to ZOOM at night I can’t…. I’m working! Even now that we are allowed out a bit more, I am tired from doing it all!” She went on to say that even if she did have time to ZOOM at night, she feels guilty because she feels like she should be giving time and attention to her husband, so she foregoes her female connection to be present with him.
Ladies, this is a BIG self-care RED FLAG! When we recognize what we need, say what we need, and do what we need…. that is LOVING! It is loving towards ourselves, and it is ultimately loving towards the people in our worlds. Finding ways to communicate our needs, with dignity and respect, is one of the strongest things we can do for ourselves and the people we love. We are in a place we have never been before, so navigating life will be different than it has been before! I know some of you are out and about more, but I have heard you express a sense of urgency to get back or guilt for leaving in the first place. Receive time for yourself as a love….and enjoy!
NOW…. let’s talk about body image, the extra pounds, and what they have been saying to us! We live inside of unwritten, and sometimes LOUDLY written; judgments of what weight means. We tell ourselves that having our weight “under control” means that we are generally in control! We tell ourselves that weight defines our value, and how we are perceived! We tell ourselves that when we are at our “ideal body weight” then people see us differently, therefore they treat us differently. I would like to call for a resounding “THAT’S BULLSHIT!”
I have listened to you in the store, or talked with my clients, and the things that we believe are all our own doing! Our value and worth are NOT related to our weight, and yet that body image stuff is so LOUD that it stops us from doing the things that please us! It stops us from enjoying food, it stops us from shopping for pretty things, it stops us from wanting to go out in public, AND it stops us from enjoying, and loving, intimacy in our relationships. WHY DO WE DO THIS??
We have bought in to a STORY that says, “when I am, then I get”, or “when I look like this, then I am appealing and desired”, and I am here to say ENOUGH! Ladies, our value is not derived from fitting into small spaces (as Glennon Doyle says)! Our value is not derived from having less jiggle in our wiggle (where did we come up with this!?!)! Our value comes directly from HOW WE SEE OURSELVES! I am going to hit a little hard on this, but it’s time we step into our amazing selves, be the women of strength and character that we are and know that we no longer put ourselves on HOLD! It also means that we stop internally judging each other! We no longer look at another woman and write a story about her in our minds…. rather we see her for the amazing, divine feminine that she is! It truly starts with YOU…. are you willing, right her and right now, to receive yourself as the divine feminine that you are? Repetition of faulty and emotionally fatal thoughts took us down this track, and repetition of new ideas will get us out!
Here is what we do, starting here and now! We say THANK YOU, every single day, to our bodies for what they do FOR us! Every single time we begin to speak in a negative manner against our bodies we STOP, and we say, “that was yesterday, today I thank you for how beautifully you move and how well you serve me”. Every single day we tell our bodies that we will honor, respect, and care for it in the most beautiful way. And, every single day, we look upon other women with the greatest of respect, and either silently or verbally (compliments from other women are worth 100x’s the compliments from a man), we speak approval and value over her! These things CHANGE US, and they have the power to change other women for the better!
Do I need to go on? Do you hear and feel it? If you feel overwhelmed by this, it is 100% time to phone a friend…. I am your friend! CALL!!!
Self-care is LOVE…. to yourself, to everyone who loves you, and to every other goddess you encounter! Love well….
To connect with Sarah Jane Bailey, please visit her on Facebook at
Sarah Jane Bailey, Coaching and Consulting
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